KINDNESS OR STRICTNESS???

There is always a question inside our mind when we are communicating or explaining something to someone i.e. How should I behave?

Should I be kind in my speech so that the other person doesn’t feel hurt?

Or should I be firm and tell them strictly to stop doing things that are unwanted?

When we are too kind to someone, the other person feels valued and safe. They prefer to stay around us.

But what if someone is on the wrong path and we keep explaining with kindness every time. Will he listen?

At first, yes. It may create a positive impact. But once it becomes a regular pattern, he may stop paying attention. He gets used to the words, but not to the change.

Let’s take an example...

Someone addicted to bad habits like drinking, smoking, or being on the phone all the time. In the beginning, our kind approach may affect him. Because of emotional bonding, he may realize his mistake once, twice, or even thrice.

But if this becomes a regular cycle,  will kindness be effective?

No, kindness loses its power. He gets used to our daily sayings and eventually ignores it.

Now, imagine the opposite...

From day one, we show strict behavior. We argue, we pressure him to change. We get frustrated if he doesn’t listen.

What will happen?

He will lose emotional connection with us. He may avoid us, ignore our words, or stop meeting us. And still — there will be no change.

Professionally At work also, if people know we are always kind, it is true that we will have fewer haters. But there’s a risk that the team may not take our instructions seriously.

On the other hand, if we are strict all the time, the team may get scared. They may start hiding mistakes, lying, or avoiding open conversations.

So yes…

It becomes necessary to use both, firmness and kindness.

To positively influence others, we must wisely choose when to be gentle and when to be assertive. This balance leads to understanding, respect, and real change.

Imagine a workplace scenario where an employee repeatedly misses deadlines.

At first, the manager chooses kindness. He speaks politely, tries to understand the reason, offers help, and even adjusts timelines once or twice.

The employee feels respected and tries to improve.

But suppose the problem continues.

Now, the manager becomes firm. He sets clear expectations that Deadlines must be met. A written plan is created. Accountability is assigned.

The manager remains respectful, but now adds seriousness. The employee also realizes that the manager not only cares but also expects discipline.

Gradually, the employee improves, not out of fear, but because kindness supported him and firmness guided him.

Here,

Kindness created trust.

Strictness created action.

Together, they drove meaningful change.

At last we can conclude that,

Kindness wins hearts.

Strictness builds discipline.

But neither is complete alone.

Life doesn’t ask us to choose one , It asks us to balance both wisely. 

When kindness connects and strictness corrects, growth becomes natural, relationships deepen and progress becomes consistent.

So, the real strength lies not in being only kind or only strict but in knowing when to be which.